Who Am I Really?
“But you are a chosen people, a Royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”
– 1 Peter 2:9
As God’s children, we are His special possessions and loved dearly by Him. I was raised in church and heard this truth all my life. I’ve always known who I am in Christ. In my relationship with the Lord, I’ve grown to know and understand God’s Word. I’ve always known and believed that God loves and approves of me because I am His child; not because of anything I could do for Him. Earlier this year the knowledge and understanding of God’s love and approval of me would be tested in a way I never expected.
This past March, at the beginning of the COVID pandemic, I became ill with an upper respiratory infection and eventually developed a deep cough which caused me to lose most of my voice. Being a Worship Pastor, my voice is a very important aspect of my role in the ministry of our church.
At the time of my becoming ill, our church, along with most others, began holding all of their weekly services online. We immediately began pre-recording our Sunday services, which exposed the truth of what was happening with my voice. As we began this process, it became evident that I would have to sing through each song several times to ensure we could get quality audio and video footage for the final service that would air online. To keep up with the demands, my doctor prescribed steroids to help me push through. It wasn’t long before I felt I had damaged my voice; but still, I kept pushing through. By the middle of May, my doctor informed me I had developed a nodule on my vocal cord. After learning my options, we agreed that 6 weeks of vocal rest was the best course.
Vocal rest? For 6 weeks? No singing for 6 weeks? Really? How can I serve the Lord in the ministry He provided without singing? Even though I knew my identity was in Christ, I quickly realized that I placed my identity in being a good worship pastor and singer. I began thinking that if I lead well and was praised by my pastor and the congregation, I could feel good about myself. Not being able to sing for 6 weeks, brought on many depressing thoughts and emotions. What if this never healed? What if I couldn’t sing well again
Throughout those 6 weeks, I began digging deeper into God’s word. The Lord quickly reminded me that I was His child, a Royal Priesthood, His special possession and that He loves me regardless of what I could or couldn’t do for Him. My worth wasn’t dependent on what I did for Him, but what He did for me on the cross.
My voice is healing well and I’m grateful to be leading in worship with our church family again. I’m especially grateful for that special time with the Lord where He showed me His unconditional love.
- What if you lost what identifies you? Would you still be secure in who you are in Christ?
- Are your emotions and security attached to how well you perform?
Pray: Lord, help me grasp that I am loved by You, regardless of how well I serve You. Help me remember that my identity is in You.
First Baptist Broken Arrow